Susan A. Adams, PhD, LPC, NCC, ACS

Drink plenty of water. This helps wash the toxins out of your body and will keep you hydrated. If this proves to be a challenge for you, buy a special water bottle and determine how many of these you have to drink every day to meet the “minimal” needs of your body.

Eat at least one healthy, well-balanced meal a day. You may not feel hungry, but your body needs fuel to function while you are dealing with all this stress in your life. The food may by-pass your taste buds, but your digestive system will handle the necessary process.

Make time for yourself! Be self-indulgent! Get a massage. Take a bubble bath. Listen to your favorite music. Get a haircut or a new hairdo.

Get plenty of sleep and rest. (And yes there is a difference! J) Your body needs time to renew itself. If you are not sleeping well, spend time in your favorite chair listening to quiet music or meditating or reading some spiritual things that will comfort you.

Be kind to yourself! Wear comfortable clothes, warp up in a warm blanket, enjoy a fire on a cold winter’s night, playing music that matches your mood.

Do something you’re good at. It will help boost your confidence level. Burn aromatherapy candles (sandalwood or lavender are good fragrances).

Call, visit, write or email a friend. Take time to re-establish a long lost friend.

Exercise. This may or may not be planned gym-type activities. It may be a walk around the block or cleaning out a closet. Movement will help you keep your body activity. It’s interesting in times of grief (or high stress) our minds often race 1000 miles a minute, but our bodies won’t move a mile a day. Getting outside to enjoy the winter chill or watch a sunset (or sunrise if you are an early morning person) or widow shop without buying are all forms of activities that fit any budget and will reap rewards. However, keep it manageable.

Try to minimize drinking. Drinking, without conscious awareness, can lead to more serious problems and alcohol can contribute to depression. It also can lead to elevated guilt.

Donate time or money to a local charity. Give something to someone else at this particular time can help focus our thinking and feelings on others instead of ourselves – which contribute to better coping with our sadness.

Share your holiday experience with someone else. Many people have no family or friends to share the holidays with for a variety of reasons. Consider volunteering with a local charity or soup kitchen and spread some holiday cheer. Include a neighbor or co-worker in a special holiday meal.

Talk about your feelings. Find someone “safe” to talk to. This may be a family member or a close friend, but it could also be a trained Professional Counselor. Find someone trained in dealing with grief. It will provide a sanctuary where it is “okay” not to be okay for a little while. It will also help you restore some balance in your life.

Remember that each holiday, birthday, or special occasion will happen. But it is important to take them one day at a time.

Consider doing something in memory of that significant person. Just a few ideas include setting up a scholarship, planting a tree, adopting a family you can assist, donate money to a favorite cause, publish an ad in the local paper to remember that person in a special way.

Create a meaningful ritual to remember your loved one. Things like lighting a candle (whether in a religious center or at home), playing favorite songs, hanging special ornaments on the tree, hanging a stocking or even writing a letter to the person who died are all appropriate activities.

Watch an uplifting movie, but only if it is something that will be beneficial to YOU. Things like “It’s a Wonderful Life” and “Miracle on 34^th Street” can bring back memories of times past that were happy or painful. Perhaps you might choose to watch movies not associated with the holiday season, such as “The Sound of Music” or “The Wizard of Oz”. Again give yourself permission to make selections that are good for you.

Attend a church service. Find substance for your soul. Your church, synagogue, mosque or other spiritual community will have a variety of opportunities for you to participate and find support.

If you have loved ones in the military, it may be helpful for your to connect to those who are struggling this holiday season through a support group or an online chat group. A simple internet search will reveal many options for support and care groups. Check out www.taps.org website or call 800-959-TAPS. This is the national organization providing compassionate care for the families of affected by the death of a loved one serving in the Armed Forces.

Don’t be afraid to start a new tradition or keep an old one. There is comfort in the “familiar” but there can also be pain as well. If you attempt to hang on to the traditions of old – just as they were – this presents a difficult struggle because they will never be the same again. For example, in our family we had a Christmas ritual every year, but when my dad died, we knew no one would want to sit in his green chair – so we had Christmas that first year at my house. There was no green chair. Certainly we were sad and we recognized that my dad was not there, but it was different surrounds. And sometimes that makes all the difference in the pain.

Start a journal to record your thoughts and feelings. You choose whether you want to share it with someone or use it just to vent.

Make a list of both joys and sadness in your life. We need to remember that even though we are sad, there are still things to be joyful over. It’s okay to laugh and “forget” for a while that you are “supposed” to be sad. This is not bad.

Keep trying! You will experience times of sadness (the blues), but look around. Find opportunities to greet people with a smile and warm “Hello.” It will provide an opportunity for you to brighten someone else’s day and in turn, be uplifting to you as well.